The child wants ice cream, the dad wants to relax on the beach and the mom wants to stroll. Cliché, admittedly - but: It's not easy to reconcile all your holiday wishes. Or is it? These tips will help.
It could be so nice: the children are playing on the beach, you are reading a book and squinting at the sun every now and then. And the next day we go on a trip together to the picturesque old town: there’s an ice cream for everyone and then we relax… Okay, stop. Of course, this is what a family vacation can look like. But reality often brings whining, stress and tension - even when grandma and grandpa are there. But with such a pessimistic view you won't get anywhere. And it's actually not that difficult to have a family vacation without arguments and with lots of ice cream and fun.
Übersicht
- 7 practical tips to ensure that your family vacation is relaxed
- 1. Include children in vacation planning
- 2. Consider everyone’s needs
- 3. Allow separate activities sometimes
- 4. Use child care when the child feels comfortable
- 5. Clear distribution of roles on multi-generational vacations
- 6. Agree on a family code for stressful moments
- 7. Establish “do nothing” zones
7 practical tips to ensure that your family vacation is relaxed
1. Include children in vacation planning
Wohin geht es? Mit dieser Frage startet jede Planung – und mit der Antwort stellt man die ersten Weichen hin zu einem entspannteren Familienurlaub. Und zwar am besten nicht nur in elterlicher Zweisamkeit: Die Kinderwünsche und Bedürfnisse sollten hier einbezogen werden, rät Erziehungsberaterin und Buchautorin Maren Tromm. „Umso älter die Kinder, umso mehr Mitbestimmung“, sagt sie. „Das tut dem Familiensystem und dem Urlaubsfrieden auf jeden Fall gut.“
Ab dem Grundschulalter sollten die Kinder gefragt und angehört werden, empfiehlt die Expertin aus der Schweiz. „So lernen sie auch, dass ihre Meinung ernst genommen wird und Bedeutung hat – das ist auch ein Erziehungsziel.“
If the kids' answer is that they want to go to an amusement park for three weeks, parents obviously won't be able to fulfill that. But they might consider a day or two at a theme park as part of the trip.
2. Consider everyone’s needs
“It is important to take the wishes and feelings of children and young people seriously and, if possible, to take them into account,” says Katrin Kursch. She works at the Youth Psychology Institute in the Steele district of Essen - a counseling center for children, young people and parents.
On site, one possibility could be to take turns deciding on activities, says Kursch. There will probably still be moments of frustration, for example when dad declares a hiking day. However, it is often possible to arouse curiosity and make offers. For example, with the view of an animal enclosure or an adventure playground along the hiking trail. And parents could, for example, allow older people to listen to a podcast during the tour.
3. Allow separate activities sometimes
This is another way to prevent conflicts from arising in the first place. Of course, most people want to spend a lot of family time together on vacation. But one can and should move away from the ideal from time to time.
“Planning for freedom is super important,” says Maren Tromm. Parents in particular often feel the need to spend time alone while on vacation - and sometimes not in their roles as life partner and father or mother. “Many people just want me time,” says the expert. So why doesn't one of you go to the beach with the kids while the other rests in the hotel or goes for a stroll?
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And children also sometimes have the desire to retreat - especially young people. Katrin Kursch therefore recommends showing understanding for age-appropriate wishes. And, for example, allowing the child to immerse themselves in the smartphone: but to an agreed extent.
4. Use child care when the child feels comfortable
Daycare for the little ones, kids club for the older ones: hotels and holiday parks sometimes offer all-day childcare. At best, this gives parents rare personal couple time while the children have fun, make new friends and have new experiences. But: This should happen without coercion.
“Forcing a child in a foreign environment to put themselves in someone else’s hands – possibly with language barriers – is something I strongly advise against,” says Maren Tromm. Her advice: As a family, you should clarify early on: How much time together do we want on vacation? Who wants time for themselves and when? And how do we create “islands” – even as a couple?
5. Clear distribution of roles on multi-generational vacations
If grandma and grandpa go on vacation with you, it can be an exciting but not always relaxed situation. In this setting, it is advisable to define responsibilities: whoever takes on a task also leads - and largely sets the rules, says Tromm. “For example: If grandma is responsible for food, then she also decides.” Or when the child really wants ice cream and the mother says no. Then grandma shouldn't suddenly step in and buy it. Otherwise trouble is inevitable.
Who is in charge, when, and who is subordinate and when? That is the core question behind all of this. Tromm recommends discussing this calmly. Best before your vacation.
6. Agree on a family code for stressful moments
Stressful moments are part of family life. To prevent things from escalating, a predetermined code word can help. If this word is spoken, it serves as a signal to pause and consciously perceive the situation. “We often don’t all notice equally quickly that a conversation is getting heated or that a remark or a look has hurt the other person,” explains Tromm.
A code word that triggers positive feelings is particularly effective. A word like “strawberry cake” can bring joy and lightness to the situation. If you prefer something shorter, you can choose a playful sound word like “Mööp” or “Trööt”.
It is important that all family members know and accept the word, says Tromm. This makes it a common tool for resolving tensions before they escalate.
7. Establish “do nothing” zones
It's totally reassuring when you know that there is a place where everyone can retreat from time to time. Such “do nothing” zones are worth their weight in gold, especially on vacation with the family, where you are usually together in a small space for 24 hours. These can be set times or locations.
A hammock at the holiday home, for example, as Tromm says: “And everyone knows: When mom lies in there, she has me time and dad is responsible.”
With material from dpa
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